Fear & Vulnerability.

Hey y'all! I am back home now from being in Florida for 12 days on a family vacation. In today's post I wanted to talk about fear and vulnerability. I experienced something the day we left for our vacation and I wanted to share it with you all as I had a realization during it. 

The day we left for vacation we stopped at Chick-Fil-A (which is basically Jesus' restaurant lol!) for lunch since we were driving to Florida. Now, before I go any further let me give a little back story. Back in October 2017 when I was in the deepest and darkest point of my anxiety and depression I bought myself a giving key that said "FEARLESS" because that is what I needed to be most in that time. If you haven't heard of a giving key it is a beautiful thing and it is a key on a chain and each key has a different word on it such as faith, love, joy, laughter, peace, etc and when you buy or receive one you focus on that action and you keep it until you feel that you have accomplished that thing or until you find someone who needs it more than you. So, I've had my giving key for 8 months now. 

The week before vacation I had asked God and The Universe to give me a sign to whom I should give it to because I felt it was time for me to pass it on. Now, I had actually forgot that I asked God for that sign until this happened. So, we walk into Chick-Fil-A and we step up to order our meals and next to us was a little boy probably 6-7 years old. He walked up with his grandmother and he got a free ice cream cone. The little boy said to the lady "I am really grateful you guys do this for St. Jude's, cause I have to go there since I have leukemia." He was holding a penguin pillow pet and said "and this is Icy." which was his buddy. I just smiled cause he warmed my heart, so we stepped aside to wait for our food to come out. I happened to be wearing my giving key and something, like a deep, clear intuitive though told me "Give him the key!" I believe it was God who told me. I immediately became anxious, fast heart rate, weak knees, and I almost had tears in my eyes. It was very clear I needed to give this little boy my key but I became so anxious I couldn't do it. In that moment I realized that this little boy was already FEARLESS. 

I had to ask myself why I didn't give the little boy the key when it was a pretty clear sign, one that I asked for, for that matter. I really needed to dig deep to figure out why, I realized I was afraid to be vulnerable. I saw vulnerability in myself as a weakness but I realized it takes a ton of strength to be vulnerable. I realized that a lot of people are afraid of vulnerability Putting yourself out there and wondering how people will react is something I think a lot of people worry about. 

When I told my aunt she pointed out to me that it was actually a good thing that I didn't go over to that little boy and looking at it I have to agree with her, now let me explain why. That little boys energy was all positive and he seemed very protected, now if I went over to him to give him the key when I was anxious, that would be a negative energy. I most definitely had positive intentions but in that moment the anxiety was strong which meant it would've been a negative energy at the forefront. I got to thinking that I am also glad I did not give him the key because he's fearless already and at his age I wouldn't want him to rely on this key and if he didn't have the key I wouldn't want him to think he wasn't fearless. 

Moral of the story is:

  • Vulnerablity = strength. Sometimes we have to be vulnerable to help ourselves and others.
  • Ask and It Is Given. I asked god for a sign of who to give it to and he gave me a very clear sign. So, if you're going to ask for something be ready for an honest and truthful answer. 
  • Listen to God and The Universe & Trust yourself: Listen to the signs that you asked for but Trust yourself if you have a gut feeling and evaluate the two. In this case I had anxieties about giving away the key and it was a good thing I didn't.
  • Be aware of your energy. We need to be aware of our energy and make sure they align. For Example, My intentions were to help someone but I was anxious about doing it, which meant I was unknowingly putting out a negative energy. Do not mistake fear with being anxious, maybe I'll touch on that later, but we all have small fear of doing something bold but you know in your gut when it's something you really shouldn't do. 

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Cover Photo by Anna on Unsplash

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